I Lost my Kids to Their Covert Narcissist Father.

4 min readMay 18, 2019

I never saw it coming.

Actually I unconsciously knew not to stand up to him for the twelve years of being his ex but I unleashed a passive aggressive pathology.

I questioned him on paying for his portion of our teenage children’s post-secondary education.

Note, until this point, I had never received a dollar from him in child or spousal support. He did not believe he had to pay it. I did not have money to legally fight it. Also, I knew in my inner recesses that somehow pushing this would negatively impact my sons.

I was so terribly accurate and it would later cost me my children and the relationship I worked so hard on building while co-parenting.

Until this point I didn’t know this subliminal fear of rocking the boat had an actual name: Covert Narcissism. As defined in this article:

Covert narcissism is a more discrete form of narcissism displayed by a person with a more shy and reserved personality. It’s characterized by grandiose fantasies and thoughts, a perception of entitlement, and a general sentiment of being better than others. Covert narcissism is…




Female startup founder. MBTI enthusiast. INTJ. Passion for research and making sense of the world, optimization and supporting others journeys.